The Long, Slow Road to Mommyhood

What I would need to do to become a biological mother in the state of Maryland:
1. Find some sperm
2. Introduce it to my gametes
3. Let it bake 9 months or so in my baby-oven
4. Take it out of the baby-oven

Presto! Mommy!

What I will need to do to become a foster mother in the state of Maryland:
1. Applicants must be 21 years of age. (Yup, got that one covered)
2. Applicants may be single or married. (Yup, I am single or married)
3. Applicants may live in own apartment or house. (Yes, I live in my own apartment or house)
4. Applicants are fingerprinted for a criminal background check. (Despite having been fingerprinted numerous times to become a teacher - and get a Federal ID badge allowing me to walk on to NASA facilities all over the country - they have to print me themselves)
5. Every member of the household 18 years or older must be fingerprinted for a criminal background check. (This one's easy, as I am the only member of my household)
6. Applicants must be able to meet family's financial obligations. (This one should be okay once I find a job)
7. Applicants are requested to submit an initial medical examination and reexamination every two years for every member of the household to determine their physical and emotional ability to care for children. (Seriously? Wow. I know a lot of
parents who physically and emotionally suck at life...)
8. Applicants are requested to provide three references regarding their parenting ability. (Done, although it's really weird to go to someone and ask them to be willing to vouch that you are not going to suck at beinf a mother...)
9. Applicants are required to complete a minimum of 27 hours of pre-service education. (Pre-service education? That's the
strangest way to say "parenting classes" I have EVER heard!)
10. The applicant's home will be inspected by personnel from the health department for safety and sanitation, and by the fire
department. (This shouldn't be a tough one)
11. A minimum of two visits to the applicant's home is completed by the approval worker to discuss the types of children
most appropriate for them, the proposed sleeping arrangements and the family lifestyle. (Visit, away, approval worker)
12. A child support clearance must be conducted. (Yeah, I don't even know what this means yet...)
13. Applicant must agree not to use physical punishment. (Not a problem. I don't believe in spanking.)

Not-quite-as-presto! Mommy!

But you know what? If they asked me to ride the Metro naked at rush-hour, I'd do it for her. :)